To the overwhelmed Mum & Wife.

When I first met John serving him in any way literally felt like the biggest honour. Friends of ours still joke to this day (7years later) about how many times I would offer John a drink when he would come over.  All I wanted to do was look after him & be his wife. He could ask me to cook in the middle of the night & I probably would have popped on my dressing gown & started frying chicken with a smile on my face. I wish I had that same enthusiasm for midnight cooking now, but the truth is I can just about rustle up dinner these days. Before, I could hide away in the kitchen for hours, creating a healthy feast for my John. I would add all the trimmings & find enough time to do my hair, nails & makeup too. I had so much head & heart space for my husband & for others. My friends got quick replies to texts & my legs stayed smooth & shaved. ; )

Ohhhh how things have changed since Joah was born. The majority of my time & attention goes to him now. At just 16 months there isn’t very much my son can do without me by his side. Of course being his Mummy is the joy of my life but between cooking, explosive nappies, breastfeeding, sleep training, cleaning, trying to maintain a healthy prayer life & being a good wife, there doesn’t really seem to be much time for anything else. As a result, many of my friendships have fizzled out & the 3 course meals I once served my hubby are now a rare treat. Lie-ins are a thing of the past & I literally have to write to do lists in order to get anything completed, otherwise I forget what needed to be done.

For so long I’ve fought with myself over these changes, blaming myself that I should be doing more, that certain things are my fault & that a monobrow is simply unacceptable in marriage! But every night I go to bed exhausted & having given my all to my loves & my job (yes, being a Mummy is my 24/7 job.)

I’ve struggled with the whole “what about me” thing too, feeling sorry for myself that I’ve not had time to myself & that I’m overwhelmed with responsibility. For many months I’m embarrassed to say, I even mourned parts of  my ‘former’ life. Does it sound like I’m complaining or being ungrateful? I’m not meaning for it to sound that way, I’m just being honest.

You see, the thing is I think all Mums & wives feel this way at times & that's ok. If we can learn to be gentle on ourselves instead of setting the bar unattainably high, I think we will do a better job in juggling all that we do. Sure, it's great to read your child Bible stories, to dress up cute for your husband, to send out Birthday cards to the in laws & to clean the dirty windows, but if you can't manage that all in 1 day don't worry. Be kind to yourself Mumma. This time in your child's life will go so quickly so enjoy it & be present in these moments. This is just a season amongst many & just like the weather this testing time will pass.

Time & time again I'm reminded of a few very important things -

God understands. He knows our every thought, He understands each pressure.

Don't struggle alone,  involve the only one who can truly help to lighten your burden. Even in the busyness of Motherhood, make time for Him. Just as a car stops with no gas we need to refuel in His presence daily. 

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” ~ Matthew 11: 28-30

Isolating yourself won't help. When you feel the tension or exhaustion rising, lean on your husband. Ask for extra help. Don't wait until you're in floods of tears, let him step in before you get to that stage- but if it's too late, cry it out, our babies aren't the only ones who need a good cry. 

I'm so guilty of trying to do everything related to the home & my son alone, because I feel like it's my job & main responsibility. I've literally refused John's help at times because I want to be superwoman, but the truth is even superwoman needs her superman!

In the same way that we want our husbands to come to us if they need help in their work we need to learn to accept help in ours too. 

 Love is all they need. Ok so it's not 'alllll' your child needs but setting an atmosphere of love & peace will bring stability to your child. I guess what I'm trying to say is that loving your child without condition or expectation is of greatest importance. Love speaks louder than a tidy house or a new toy. Love is what they desperately need from us.

♥  Even when it seems impossible, make time to remind your husband that he's your first love. This is so so key, even though our husbands may happily take a back seat when children arrive on the scene they still need to know their place in our hearts. Numero uno of course! Remind your man weekly how much you appreciate him, the things you love about him etc.. Don't let your 'Mummy badge' block the way from your hearts (& bodies) connecting. I know it's really hard, especially when you are beyond exhausted but it always enriches your marriage to do so.

Take one day at a time. Commit each day to The Lord, pray & do your best. Remember that millions of Mothers around the world are in your shoes & the exhausting, non stop days of responsibility won't last forever.

As I write this blog post my son is napping. I have a messy ponytail in desperate need of a wash & laundry in the machine that's been waiting a little too long to be hung out (hides face.) Busy non stop Mumma/wife, you aren't alone. Keep going & stay close to God. 

If you have any tips or loving advice for us Mums & wives please comment below.

All my love, 

Sia ♥


My struggle to dress 'like a Christian'


I wish I was writing this in third person, or even as a kind of "I once struggled with, many years ago" type of blog but I'm not. I'm struggling with this right now, Today. Friday 11th November at 3:00. 

As a Christian woman I know what pleases God through the way I dress, I know what honours my husband & myself yet over the past 6months or so I've found myself growing increasingly fed up with modesty & all it's layering! Before I became a Christian I guess you could say I enjoyed keeping up with fashion trends & wearing whatever I felt good in. I enjoyed the attention I got in immodest clothes & I think to a certain degree I thrived off of that attention. Once I became a Christian I learnt to honour my body & Creator & to wear clothes that didn't show what's not meant to be on show. I thought I was fine & then I married a man of God.

In the early days of marriage, the way I dressed was often an issue. Many times resulting in arguments which were usually before church. I can recall this one Sunday morning, John & I had been married a few months. I enjoyed dressing up for church & this Sunday I planned to wear my new ultra fitted, pencil dress. John tried to lovingly tell me he didn't think it was appropriate & asked me if I would mind putting a long cardie over it or changing. This immediately got my back up & I remember listing my rehearsed reasons why it was perfectly fine & how over the top I thought he was being. I told him it wasn't low cut & that it was at least over the knee. I was frustrated because I felt I should be free to wear whatever was cute & fashionable as long as I didn't have any cleavage on show. I remember comparing myself to other Christian's & using their immodesty to justify my own. John spent a lot of months lovingly praying for my heart to understand the true meaning of modesty & virtue. He also helped me understand how important it is not to cause others to fall into lust because of the way I dress. (Matthew 5:28) Over time my heart & dress dramatically changed.

 Fast forward 5years. I thought I was over that struggle but bam it's back & biting me in the bum.  I know there's a few factors that are adding to this; my figure has slimmed down a lot since giving birth, which I'm very happy about. There's also a constant flow of super gorgeous women with perfect figures everywhere I look, social media creates or should I say 'can' create a real sense of insecurity & comparison for us. Those things have most definitely played a part in my struggle with modesty but I know the biggest factor is my relationship with God. Of late it's not been where it should be & I suppose that effects every area of my life. Yes modesty is an outward expression but I believe it starts in our hearts. If I truly desire to honour God through the way I dress that desire will begin in my heart, from that desire will flow obedience.

I know that the closer I am to God the easier it is for me to happily dress modestly & the more connected I am to 'the world' the more frustrated I become with modesty. I can literally notice the difference from one day to the next. Want a little example? Instagram. I have to be so careful not to get the 'comparison bug' when I go on it, because if I'm not careful I can get into a little spider web of comparing myself, my figure, my clothes etc to others. I've noticed that I find myself in this little spider web when I'm not walking as close to God. When I'm stronger in Him (God) I'm far more heavenly minded. Keeping up with trends & fretting over not being able to wear bandage dresses or crop tops, just isn't on my radar. So, after writing down my thoughts to you guys I suppose I've just reminded myself that the best way to deal with 'my recent struggle with modesty' is to renew my mind, get closer to God, realise how petty a problem this is & ask God to change my heart in this area because after all, modesty is a heart issue.

Lastly I just want to remind us as women to lovingly encourage, support & pray for each other in this area. So often I've been the one to sit on my high horse judging other Christian's on the things they wear & here I am now being the one struggling in this area. Lets try to be loving & pray for each other if we see an issue rather than judging.

Lets not forget that if we let our confidence come from how we look or what we wear, we will never be secure. Our confidence needs to come from who we are in The Lord. 

All my love, 

Sia x

Wives, slow down & listen to your husbands.

Women want to be heard, right? And generally we do a pretty good job of it. I don't think a day goes by when I don't tell my hubby the ins & outs of my day, my thoughts, worries & whatever else may be fluttering through my mind.

Men on the other hand are wired totally differently. It's rare that a man will voluntarily tell you his hearts concerns without some form of probing first. Unlike us, men usually keep a lot in before finally, if at all opening up. Is it pride?  Fear? I really don't know. But I do know that whatever it is that withholds our men from sharing their hearts, it's our duty to lovingly give them the freedom & safe place to do so, if they want to.

In my marriage I've come to understand that this means actually making a conscious effort to slow down & set time aside to give my husband the opportunity to open up. It's not likely that he will tap me on the shoulder & say "Hey baby, can we have a deep chat tonight, I'm really stressed out & need some advice." That just doesn't happen, thats the way I roll but certainly not how he does. I have to sensitively ask him & give him time to share his heart. Of course, you never want your husband to feel cornered or forced, thats not where we're going with this. Instead we want to make our men feel so loved & supported that they can openly share anything that is burdening them without fear of judgement or rejection. Sometimes this may mean putting our emotions to the side so that we can focus solely on them.

Lets look at this lil example- your hubby opens up & shares with you an ongoing heavy gambling addiction. Do you A.) Fly off the handle, screaming & cussing him for being so irresponsible. Or B.) Express your disappointment calmly but remind him that you will get through this together & seek Godly help. Option A is certainly a much more natural reaction but I reckon that would stop your man from ever sharing a problem with you again, whereas option B will remind him that regardless of his shortcomings, his Godly wife is down for him no matter what. 

Sometimes our wifey instincts will let us know if something is burdening our husbands, The Holy Spirit may highlight unusual behaviours or we may just notice them being a little distant. This usually happens when men have a lot on their plates or are dealing with stress. So when we notice these hints lets take the time to really slow down & listen to our loves. If your hubby doesn't want to talk or seems to have nothing to share just keep praying for him. It may take a little more time.

Nobody can understand & love my husband like I can (other than God of course). Nobody can console & bring comfort to your husband like YOU CAN! Why? Because we are their wives, their help mates chosen by God to support them. If we can learn to be sensitive to their needs & sometimes frustrating inability to communicate clearly then we can really help them feel supported. 

Have a read of Proverbs 31 

All my love, 

Sia ♡ x


I'm back!

Hey lovely loves, 

It's been quite some time since I've written a blog post, not because I've not wanted to, infact my brain has been super full of things to share, I've just not had the time to. But here I am, finally finding the time to blog again.

Before jumping straight back in I thought I would give a quick little update on where I've been & what's been going on. 

Since my last blog, we've welcomed our gorgeous son Joah into the world, travelled to 6 Countries & moved to France, where we are now settling down. It's been quite some journey & I'd say the most challenging season of life so far, both individually & as a married couple. One thing's for sure, nothing can quite prepare you for the shift in priorities that having a baby does. From being at my lowest emotionally & feeling challenged in every which way, I now find myself even more in awe of God & all His goodness. He has literally carried my little family & shown us unlimited love. 

Now we are on our new adventure in this new French 'croissanty' season of life. I'm looking forward to getting back into my blogging very soon & sharing all that's on my heart.

So yeah, I guess this is just a pre blog blog to say hey & stay tuned for my next proper blog which I will pop up tomorrow followed by regular weekly posts. 

All my love 

Sia ♡ x

What I've learnt from recent friendship struggles.

Friendships. They're funny old things aren't they. I feel blessed to say I have some truly amazing friends, friends & I can be completely myself with without fear of them running away lol! But, I also have a few friendships that I totally struggle with.

Last month I went for a super long prayer walk. Within a few minutes of walking my prayers turned into more of a venting session, moaning to God about a particular friendship that I was struggling with. I listed everything I couldn't stand about my friend, from things I felt she had done recently, to past annoyances. All the offences, irritations & hurts exploded out of my very full heart. As God always does, He lifted my burden, but the other thing He did I wasn't as grateful for. You see, after my prayer vent I could feel The Holy Spirit's gentle conviction on my heart. Aghhh, I was annoyed with my friend but now God had revealed to me where I was going wrong! "No Lord, she's the baddy not me!"  Hahaha isn't it funny how clearly we can spot the faults in others yet when it comes to our own flaws we see straight passed them. It reminds me of Matthew 7:3-5

Over the coming days The Holy Spirit began to reveal to me my own flaws & I started to see how judgemental & well, I suppose, un Christlike I had been in this friendship. The un Christeliness didn't come from me disapproving of how my friend was treating me. Absolutely not, just because we're Christians that doesn't mean we no longer feel the hurt or disappointment that comes from being mistreated, but the way I dealt with my emotions was wrong. My heart had turned bitter towards her which in turn, led to resentment & anger.

I'm relived to say that things are now sorted with us & my heart is free & happy again. So, since this little friendship hiccup what have I learnt? 


I really think there are different types of friendships, some become so profound to us that the friendship becomes more of a family bond. Other friendships never go beyond surface level & others are more of a mentorship. I think its important to determine the type of friendships we are in, so as to not cross over expectations. For example I have some friendships where I take on a mentor role, I give out & will happily listen to their problems because I know what type of friendship we are in. I don't expect the same back because I understand the dynamic of our friendship. If we can understand the dynamics of our friendships I think it will leave less chance of us having unreasonable or unrealistic expectancies. 

I'm not it any way saying you need to go around putting the friends around you into the categories, e.g Susie is only surface level so we can't go deep together. All I'm saying is that in your heart just know what type of role that friend plays so your expectations aren't disappointed. 


I'm sure most men would agree that us ladies have the ability to talk & talk but its funny, when it comes to matters of the heart we sometimes clam up. When issues arise in a friendship we need to be intentional about how we deal with those issues. After praying, the next most important step is to actually have a good old heart to heart . We can't expect our friends to read our minds & ignoring the issues will only intensify them with time. So, go for a milkshake, a coffee, a cocktail whatever it is you like to drink & open up! Ask The Lord to help you to speak with love & grace. If like me, you are emotional it may be an idea to write down some points before meeting up so you can clearly explain your heart without getting caught up in the emotion of things. Also, be sure to listen too. The chances are that if you aren't happy with how things are going your friend isn't either, so be prepared to have to say sorry & make some changes too.


God should be involved in every area of our lives, friendships are no different. Whether the friend is a Christian or not they should still be able to feel your heart for God through the friendship. If the friend isn't a Christian it can be increasingly hard to showcase Christ & not be influenced negatively, this is all the more reason why we need to involve God & stay prayed up! Remember that we are representatives of Christ 24/7.


Aghh, isn't it easy to gossip to one friend about another friend! Sometimes we excuse our gossiping as 'opening up' or 'getting advice' but lets be honest, we all know when we are gossiping & nothing good ever comes of it. Of course it's totally different if we are truly opening up to someone in a bid to gain some useful advice but pure idle gossip is a no no. Proverbs 21:23


Sometimes we give & give only to be met by disappointment when our friend doesn't appreciate or even notice our efforts. This can be one of the most frustrating things so sometimes its best to take a step back. If you are the one to always call or text it may be an idea to holla a little less & wait for your friend to put in some effort... If you notice they make no effort its probably an idea to revert to point number 3 & go for a coffee chat to talk things through.


Some friendships have run their course but because we can't bear to let them go we hang on hoping things will suddenly change but the truth is some friendships won't last forever & thats ok. Just because someone is no longer in your life that doesn't mean they're no longer in your heart, thoughts & prayers. 

I hope you caught my heart in this blog post, if you have any tips or advice on friendships please share them below. 

Lots of love

  Sia ♥ xo

My Summer so far!

Hey loves, 

It feels like its been such a long time since I last blogged so I thought I would do a fun 'catch up with me' kinda blog for a change! The loveliest news I have to share is that J & I are expecting our first bubba! We are absolutely over the moon, so much so that I'm making a new little category on my website devoted to all things Mummyish & babyfied, so deffo look out for that!

My Summer got off to a super exciting start when my gorgeous hubby's football team OHL got promoted to the First Devision! That was of course a huge celebration & I'm so proud of John!  It's so easy to look in through the window & see Footballers lives as incredibly privileged & easy, but the truth is every footballer we see will have put in sooo much hard work to get to where they are. So when John won the League Player of the season award I was & still am so proud of him cos I see just how much he's sacrificed & how much hard work he's put in! Hooray for my Champion!

I can't wait to take our little bubba to Daddy's games, I always think its too cute when you see little kids in their Dad's shirts or wearing their Dad's football numbers! Awww finally that will be our bubba *love heart eyes!*

So after the super busy Football Season John & I jetted off to Dubai to soak up the sun & get refreshed before the new season 'kicks in' again (excuse the pun).

Dubai was such a perfect break & especially nice as a whole bunch of our friends were there at the same time, so we got to catch up with them too! Dubai means so much to me as it's where we spent our honeymoon & first few holidays together, so it's filled with beautiful memories for us both. This holiday was particularly fun as our best friend/bro Todd flew out half way through the holiday which definitely doubled the fun! 

I also loved having some alone time while away. I went for morning prayer walks on the beach which were so peaceful & beautiful. I felt like I got to reconnect with God which was definitely a highlight of my holiday!

After our relaxing holiday we then made a flying visit to good Ol' Londaaaan! Gosh, words can't express how amazing it felt to go home. Yes, we consider our home in Belgium to be home but 'home home' is definitely South London, the land of cockney accents, THE best Caribbean takeaways & home to most of my favourite people in the world! I say most, because my beautiful big sister lives all the way in Leeds! 

Unfortunately with John's pre season training fast approaching we didn't have as long as we would have liked in England but we crammed as much as we possibly could into the time we did have. Seeing our gorgeous family was definitely the highlight, its amazing just how much you miss while living abroad so we spent as much time as we could with them! 

We also got to celebrate 2 sets of our amazing friends engagements (shout out to Jack & Chrys & Joellie & Kiera) as well as the birth of the newest member of our family, baby Mason! 

Whilst in London my lovely friend Jen from gave birth to her beautiful daughter, unfortunately I wasn't able to meet her but I can't wait to next time I'm over! Be sure to subscribe to Jen's blog as she'll be updating it soon with all kinds of Mummy/baby goodness!

One of my favourite days in England was visiting Canterbury for the day with my Mum & Aunties. I grew up in Kent so its always really lovely to go back! Plus, the shopping & cute cafes in Canterbury are so fab!

The last bit of fun I had in London was organising my beautiful friend Jacqueline's Bridal Shower. We went to a delicious Brazilian restaurant where we feasted & had a lovely fun filled evening! 

My next & last bit of travelling before the baby arrives will be to go to her wonderful wedding in Switzerland! 

I just had to add this pic of my fish 'n' chips as it was soooo English & sooo delish! I enjoyed it whilst on a little lunch date with my lovely friend Teresa who I hadn't seen for 5years!

Now I'm back home in Belgium & settling into the more relaxed swing of life over here. I hope you enjoyed this little catch up blog! 

Lots of love,



How to pray for your loved ones.

P R A Y E R - 

Prayer is one of the most powerful tools God has given us. It's through prayer that we see miracles, lives transformed & the hardest of hearts softened. The Bible tells of so many different situations impacted by the power of prayer. I'm so grateful that God welcomes little old me into His presence, where I can open up my heart to Him knowing that if my prayers align with His will, God is faithful to answer them. 

 Unfortunately, we all have loved ones who don’t know Jesus. I’m ashamed to say that although it hurts me having loved ones who don’t yet know God, my prayer life doesn’t really reflect this. Honestly, I think its because I’ve gotten so used to seeing them the way they are. If you grow up with an unsaved parent, its normal to hear them swear & blaspheme for example. It becomes the norm & it's easy to accept that ‘thats just the way they are.’ I feel so convicted writing this because sadly, that has been my relaxed mindset when it comes to praying for so many of my loved ones salvation. 

In my own life my Mums prayers have been incredibly powerful in the transformation from where my life was to where it is now. My Mum has prayed for me every day since I was born & I can undoubtedly say that her persistent prayers have paid off. No matter how tiresome it may feel at times, I urge you to keep praying for your loved ones. God is so faithful & as it says in 2 Peter 3:9 "It is God’s will that none should perish but that all may have eternal life in Him." 

Remember that the power of prayer does not lay with us but with the Almighty God we are praying to! We are simply sick people being treated by our Doctor (God) praying for other sick people, who do not yet know that the Doctor they so desperately need is waiting to heal them.

At my church on Sunday we had an excellent guest Preacher, his preach was entitled “How to pray for your lost family & friends.” It was such a clear & instructive word that I decided to share my notes with you all. I really pray that they bless you & help you in praying for your loved ones. Don’t lose heart, no matter how many weeks, months or even years you are praying for your loved ones keep going!


C H U R C H   N O T E S - How to pray for your loved ones salvation.

 Ask God to soften their hearts.

Ezekiel 11:19

 Ask God to send a spirit of conviction. 

John 16:8

(Don't try to convict your friends/family- it always fails when we try to do it ourselves. Instead we need to pray for The Holy Spirit to bring the spirit of conviction!) 

 Ask God to send a spirit of revelation

Ephesians 1:17-19

 Ask God to bring His word to their remembrance

John 14:26  & Isaiah 55:11 

 Pray prayers of forgiveness

Matthew 6:9-15

Forgiveness is the master key that unlocks the door to a wall of stone!

Without forgiveness we are not forgiven!

 Pray for labourers for the harvest! Pray O Lord send someone to be close to them- to share with them!

 Matthew 9:28

 Pray for a revelation of Eternity! 

Matthew 10:28

 Pray that they will resist the enemy! 

James 4:7

 Solicit others to pray in a like manner! 

Ephesians 6:19

 Pray for a revelation of Gods love!

Romans 2:4

All my love,

Sia ♥ xxx

Dealing with temptation.

Temptation - noun - the decision to do something, especially something wrong or unwise.

Whether its the temptation to lie, to eat an extra 3 cookies or to give into lust, temptation is a battle we will all face until Jesus returns.

Before I became a Christian I used to smoke, I dabbled in drugs but thankfully I never became addicted to them. Cigarettes however, became a normal part of my life for 3 years. Once God saved me I stopped smoking, no more Stinky smoker Sia! Since that time I encouraged others who wanted to give up smoking, lovingly pushing them to God to set them free from the addiction. I never thought the temptation to smoke would come back to taunt me but it did. 

Last year I became increasingly aware of cigarettes, whether I would see one on the floor or see someone smoking, my mind would get flooded with the temptation to smoke again. Not "smoke smoke but maybe just one" I would think to myself. I remember going to watch my hubby play football & being surrounded by smokers, you would expect me to be worried about the smoke getting into my fresh blow-dry, but instead I was fighting the temptation to breathe in the smoke around me. Gross I know. Smoking had consumed my mind. By the way this time of temptation was when I was feeling quite distant from God (see my Dusty Bibles & Distant Hearts blog.) I find that temptations seem to be much stronger when Satan knows we are at our weakest spiritually.

Although the temptation really was so strong God helped me not to give into it. Below are the steps I took & take whenever temptation/sin (of any kind) tries to lure me into its trap. 

Pinpoint your temptations & PRAY.

Identify exactly what is tempting you, don't ignore it because the urge will only get stronger. Of course, God knows everything about us but its important to open up your heart to God. Bring your struggles out into the open to the only one who can help you to overcome them! In Matthew 6:13 Jesus tells us to pray against temptation & Satans works. Prayer is the most powerful way we can fight temptation.

Get accountable.

Find someone who you can trust & tell them what you've been struggling with. Ask them to come alongside you through prayer & encouragement. When I was tempted to smoke having a Godly friend to check up on me made such a difference.

READ the word of God.

Fuelling our spirits through reading the Bible is key, the scriptures direct us in how we are may glorify God & they strengthen us in times of temptation. Memorising scripture also helps tremendously. Read, 1 John 1:8-2:2, James 1: 13-18, Galatians 5: 16-26.

Trigger points & safeguarding.

What is it that's causing you to be tempted & how does it tend to happen? For example, if you are tempted to have sex outside of marriage theres a trigger point to when it happens. Perhaps it starts off with being alone together, then a kiss, then so on and so forth.. To safeguard yourself from falling into temptation putting in wise boundaries will minimise the chances of it happening. In my situation I realised that I never desired to smoke when I was with my husband, probably because of the shame of it. So, I told him how I was being tempted. That way he could pray for me & help me out. I also changed my seat at football matches so that I wasn't sitting so close to the smokers, this made it easier for me not to enjoy the smell of the smoke.

FLEE! Don't trust yourself!

Trust God who tells us to FLEE TEMPTATION! One of the mistakes we often make is thinking we are invincible. Yes the Holy Spirit dwells in us BUT we have been given the gift of free will which  means we can ignore The Holy Spirit's conviction & sin if we choose to. Realise that we are all capable of falling into temptations so we have to be prayerful & wise. If you're on a diet, bopping into a sweet smelling bakery probably isn't the best idea. In the same way we need to help ourselves out & not put ourselves in dangerous situations. Don't just hope that you don't fall into temptation, be proactive, put things in place to ensure you don't!

Lastly, I honestly can't go on enough about the importance of accountability! Always be accountable, even if you mess up! The enemy wants us to feel ashamed & alone but God came that we may have freedom & liberty in Him!

If after following these steps you find that you are still falling into temptation its a good idea to seek Godly advice from a Pastor or church leader that you can trust.

All my love, 

Sia ♥ x


Move passed the past!

Last November I was given the amazing opportunity of sharing my testimony in front of a large group of amazing young women (Girltalk 2014). I wrote down notes, practised what I wanted to say & prayed a lot in the lead up to my talk. When the time came, I forgot about my notes  & went off on a natural tangent pouring out my heart to the girls. I spoke about my difficult upbringing, rebellious teenage years & about a lot of other painful memories. At the time I spoke openly, my voice didn't crack & I shed no tears but what followed the days after surprised me.

I guess speaking about my past brought up a lot of memories. I began to notice myself feeling ashamed of myself & the past sins & foolish choices I had made all those years ago. I started to pull a blanket of shame around myself. 

Unfortunately, I don't think I'm the only person who's walked around with the 'shame blanket.' 

Picture yourself in a car. Oh how easy is it to look in the rearview mirror at the past, reliving the things you went through. I guess the danger in staring at the rearview mirror is that we usually lose focus & drive off course. When you constantly live in the past you become defined by the past. If you have given your life to Jesus you have given Him the keys to your car & He by His power has driven you from your past & into your future.

So, was it a bad idea me sharing my past with the girls? Absolutely not. We all have testimonies (how we came to know God & where He bought us from.) The Bible tells us that "We overcome by blood of the lamb & the word of our testimony. Revelation 12:11." If speaking about our pasts can help others or encourage them in their walk I think we should share what we've been through, yes even if it painful sometimes. But other than for the benefit of others I don't personally think gazing back at our pasts is a good idea. Dwelling on our pasts & the "Coulda, Woulda's" can really steal our joy in God.

I went wrong when I took on the weight of my past sins all over again, God had forgiven me but I went back in my mind burdening myself with guilt the guilt of my poor past choices. 

Galatians 5:1
It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.

The enemy wants us to feel embarrassment & shame. Living in our pasts, even if that living is in our minds, brings bondage which is the opposite to the freedom Jesus offers us. 

Our past is something that we shouldn't be afraid of, not that we should dwell in it but whenever it does come up we need to look back knowing that we are now free. We don't have to feel ashamed of who we are now, our Heavenly Father loves us with the same infinite love He loves Jesus with & His blood cleanses us from all unrighteousness. We need to look back knowing we have victory now, so our previous losses hold no weight next to the victory we now have in Jesus!

Don't forget that when we were sinners WE were the ones who made ourselves dirty but now we are in Christ HE is the one who has made us clean & righteous.

2 Corinthians 5:17
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.

 Lets look with freedom at the future God has given us. We need to remember that once we've repented of our sins we are forgiven! There's no need to stay wrapped in a blanket of shame but instead we should dance in the freedom God has blessed us with.

All my love, 

Sia ♡ x


Wives, get your sexy on!

Before we get into this, I want you to think about the type of woman that springs to mind when you hear the phrase 'Good Christian wife.' I know this sounds super stereotypical but here's what comes to my mind. I imagine a sweet modest lady with a frizzy fringe & a mono brow. I imagine her memory scripture bank to be full to the brim & her heart to be so in tune with The Lord. 

Ok next up, 'The smokin' hot Mama.' I imagine her to be groomed perfectly, dressed in something saucy with perfectly painted red lips to complete her look.

Isn't it funny how different the 2 ladies seem to be? We tend to see the one as extremely Godly & the other as extremely 'worldly'. I've written this blog for one simple reason, to remind us that as Christian wives we don't have to choose between the 2 ladies, we can & should be both! Yes a Godly, Christ like wife is exactly what we are called to be but I believe a wife who can turn on her sexiness is equally as important! Eyebrows raised? Keep reading & I'll explain what I mean.

We live in a world where even a Burberry perfume is advertised with a sexy, half naked woman. Our beloved husbands are faced with temptation daily & while we cannot control their purity & thoughts, we can most definitely help in their battle to remain pure. Prayer is so key in every part of our marriages but especially profound in the area of sexual intimacy. As we know, we are called to be our husbands helpers, (Genesis 2:18) but this means so much more than cooking his dinner & raising the kids. It means that we connect with them sexually regularly, it means enticing their minds & captivating their hearts. I know full well that there are squillions of women out there that are way more attractive than me, it's a given. But, I also know that I am the only woman in the whole wide world who my husband can look at sexually without compromising his integrity! I want him to do that regularly, I want him to "enjoy the wife of his youth forever." (Proverbs 5:18) 

As Christian women, there are many differences between us & the world. One distinct one, should be the way in which we dress. We choose to honour God & our husbands by dressing modestly & with decency. I personally choose not to wear an array of clothes from, bodycon dresses to cleavage poppin' tops. But as soon as I get home, it's a different story. I purposely try to choose comfy 'home clothes' that are sexy. After having to 'eye bounce' (avoid temptation) in the outside world I want my man to come home & have a happy sight. Of course, I'm aware that if you have children dressing provocatively isn't a good idea. In this case I guess you just keep the skimpy outfits for the bedroom ;) 

I don't want to create an illusion of having to look perfect all the time. I most certainly don't. The majority of the time I don't wear makeup at home as I like to let me skin breathe, but I always try to have the certain things in place (hair done, nails looking pretty, perfume spritzed & cute but comfy outfits.) I don't want my husband to say in years to come, "Oh, I remember how my wife used to look. Those were the days." NO! I want him to say something like "Oh my wife Sia, just like fine wine she just gets better with age." Hahaa, I'm giggling as I write that but in honesty, if we don't make a conscious decision to make the extra effort its very easy to get comfortable. And the problem with comfortability is that it usually leads to mediocrity & we as wives want to be excellent & not mediocre. (Proverbs 31:10) 

So ladies, let's try to make the effort to slip into something sexy for our husbands. Don't wait until Valentine's Day, surprise your love regularly. Try to keep the granny pants for 'that time of the month' as appose to a Saturday night in ;) It's amazing how much sexier we feel when we've made that extra bit of effort & it's even more amazing how much it means to our husbands. 

In case you're thinking, the guys are being left out, I definitely think they too should be making the effort for us too but as this blog is aimed at us ladies, lets do our bit & hopefully they will take a leaf out of our sexy booklet & do the same!.

Lastly, I want to remind you that sexiness means nothing if our hearts are not in tune with God, but a heart set on God, deeply in love with her husband, dressed in something special... Well lets put it to the test but I reckon it will do wonders for our marriages!

All my love, 

Sia  x

Wives, what to do when your husband hurts you...

The perfect husband doesn't exist! ♡ That's one of the first things I learnt when I got married & while I'm incredibly blessed with a Godly, wonderful husband, he does at times hurt me. It's inevitable. We are, after all two sinners.

Before we delve into this, I want to be very clear. I'm not talking about abusive or violent husbands. If that, or anything similar is something you are experiencing in your marriage please seek help immediately. 

Just like us, husbands have shortcomings, short fuses at times & sinful hearts. Sometimes the hurt they cause us is an accident & other times purposely done. But which ever it is, HURT HURTS & a million times more when the person causing you the hurt is the man who you've given your heart to!

The question is, what do we as Godly wives do when our husbands sting our delicate hearts? Whether you are the vocal, expressive wife who fights to hold her tongue or the reflective, subdued wife who weeps silently, the natural, almost instinctive thing to do is to hold on to the hurt. We replay what 'he' said or did in our minds a million times & almost immediately adopt this 'I would/could never do that to him' mindset- but the truth is we could. I'ts so important to remember that although our husbands are called to put Christ on display & to lead us as Christ led the church, they ARE NOT CHRIST & WILL MESS UP often. 

When J & I first got married the smallest thing would hurt me. I remember this one particular time so clearly, we now laugh about it. J had gone to the barbers for a trim & I was at home making dinner. I expected him to be home an hour or so later. When he didn't return home I called him. No reply, so I called again & again & again. The food was freezing & three hours later in came my hubby sporting the biggest smile I'd ever seen! I was literally fuming, like fuuu-ming! I didn't want to hear his explanation or apology I just wanted him to pay for the hurt he had caused me! I felt completely disrespected & taken advantage of. You're probably wondering why J had taken so long to get a trim right? Well, it turned out that he had started evangelising in the barbers & that God opened so many doors (spiritual doors) that J had lost track of time. When he did try to call me to tell me he would be home late my phone line was busy because I was on the phone moaning about him to a friend! 

I know it seems really petty but the story I just told you was genuinely a big deal for me at the time. Yes, it hurt me but I dealt with the hurt in the wrong way. I shut J down & didn't even give him the chance to explain what happened, I refused to accept his apology. The hurt became much bigger than it needed to be because of the way I dealt with it. When I found out the reason he was late I felt like such a little plum.

There's been other times when my husband hurts me deeper, when the hurt is a lot harder to ignore & the sin a lot harder to forgive. What to do then?

Take time out with God.

After an argument or disagreement it can be hard to think clearly, so distancing ourselves can really help us to calm down & arrange our thoughts. 

I would encourage us to get into the habit of always venting to God first. It's so easy nowadays to whatsapp a friend or tweet as an outlet for our emotions but its never as beneficial. Take your hurt to God & pour open your heart to Him in prayer. This alone makes a world of difference, remember that it's not us who can change our husband's ways but God! 

Chat it through

Once we're equipped through prayer then approaching our husbands to discuss the issue should be the next step. Open up to your love, be honest about how you feel but be careful how you do so. I've learnt to use "I" a lot more than "you" when trying to get my point across. Eg, "I really felt hurt when you..." as a pose to "You always hurt me." I try to ask questions instead of making assumptions & pointing the finger. (Read Proverbs 15:1)  We should always give our hubby's room to speak without interrupting them (trust me, I know how hard this is!) There is usually a deeper reason (that's not an excuse) behind any hurt they cause us. If we can understand the 'whys' then together we can move forward & prevent the issue from reoccurring!

No matter the hurt our husbands cause us we still need to show them respect & honour. SAAAY WHATT? What I mean by that is no matter what hurt your husband may have caused you, you are not now magically above or better than him. It's so easy to pop ourselves on little pedestals when we see faults in our husband, but girlfriend, check your heart, you too have faults & flop sometimes. If we can respond to our husbands in love without disrespecting them they will be a lot more likely to understand & apologise than if we shout & disrespect them. Kicking up a big fuss usually distracts from what they did in the first place & instead puts the limelight onto us & our temper tantrum. 

Forgive & let go

Matthew 6:14-1

"For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.""

We need to be constantly asking God to grant us extra grace & forgiveness. In our own strength we tend to hold on to our husbands wrongs & bring them up any time an issue arises. But just as God is with us, we need to be quick to forgive. Once our husbands apologise & we forgive them that should be it. FINITO! We aren't to bring it back up again & continue to make them feel bad for what they did.

Sometimes an issue or disagreement is un-ressolveable & thats ok. There's nothing wrong with agreeing to disagree on some things. But if the issue requires a decision to be made then its our duty to follow our husbands lead & trust God. 

In our marriage we have a little rule, we can't go to sleep if one of us is unhappy with the other or feels an issue needs to be spoken about. This leaves less chance of bitterness & allowing a problem to escalate. It may mean you're extra sleepy at work the next day but its worth it. 

If you find that resentment takes hold of your heart or you are still experiencing conflict it may be a good idea to have a Pastor or counsellor intercede & help you both. There is absolutely no shame in doing this. I can't imagine our marriage without the added advice & counsel of our beloved Pastors. (Read Proverbs 12:15)

Lastly, I encourage you to always end any upsets/conflict with cuddles & kisses (or more.. ;) This is the perfect way to draw the line & close the issue. 

All my love 

Sia ❤ xxx


Wives, get your pom poms out!

Growing up I always wanted to be a cheerleader. There seemed to be something so exciting about being tossed in the air & shaking your pom poms. As a girl who grew up in a small Greek village being a cheerleader wasn't exactly an option but now I'm married my wish has been granted. I'm now my husbands cheerleader.

I got married when I was 19, I had no clue how to be a wife or how to bring out the best in my man. But I learnt early on the massive difference that championing my husband makes. Since then I've noticed the power that my words have & the major difference that my opinions & advice make to him.

Now I see my marriage as a sports field. Run with me on this one (excuse the pun) & lets imagine this example as a football pitch.

Our wonderful husbands step onto the pitch of life, where they work super hard to score goals, (to provide for us, lead us well, love us ect..) but at times they fall down. Sometimes it rains & the pitch gets mucky, perhaps they get injured & feel like they can't run on any longer, defeat creeps over them. BUT theres something that makes the difference, something that keeps them running, keeps them chasing those goals & eventually scoring! That difference is the fans, the cheerleaders! I've been to many football matches since meeting John & one thing which is always unbelievably amazing to me is the power of the fans. I'll be watching a game where we are losing, everyone is feeling down but as soon as the fans pipe up the atmosphere in the stadium completely changes. The players on the pitch are fuelled by roaring fans who believe in them. The dancing cheerleaders don't stop smiling because of the score, they throw their pom poms around regardless because their support is consistent. Can you imagine going to a football match with no fans? I wonder how well the players would do without the encouragement of the fans.


The amazing thing about cheerleaders is that they know their role, they go a match prepared to support their team regardless of the outcome. They don't clock off early if their team aren't winning, instead they switch up the support a notch & scream even louder! Thats the role we should adopt in our marriages. We need to learn to support our men & bring out the best in them in every season of life. God has created the union of marriage to be like no other relationship on earth. Our husbands desire to be affirmed by us & we have the beautiful honour of being the ones to do so. I love speaking into my hubby's life, I find it such an honour when he comes to me for advice. But, I also see it as a responsibility.


In order to do fancy flips a cheerleader must practise her sport. In the same way we need to realise the responsibility we have to be our husbands helper & get practising. Perhaps you aren't a naturally complementary person & your love needs to be paid more compliments. Or maybe you struggle with listening & giving advice in love. Whatever the area's are that you don't feel strong in, I advise you to take them to God. After all He is the one who created your husband so He knows exactly what he needs from you. Ask The Lord to help you to build your husband up & to meet his individual needs. 


Lastly, I would encourage you to actually test out this cheerleading theory of mine. Pay your love some extra attention this week, compliment him when he does well at work or stands up to the boss. Show him your appreciation, encourage him to be brave, give him the freedom to be completely honest with you knowing that your love & support is never changing. If you do those things I can almost guarantee you that your man will go from Clarke Kent to Superman! 

Proverbs 18:22

"He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favour from the LORD."

All my love,

(Give me an S. Give me an I. Give me an A. What's that spell?)

SIA!!! ♥ xxx


Dusty Bibles & distant hearts.

Last year I hit a major ditch in my walk with God. Had I become doubtful or lost faith in Him? No, not at all. From a very early age I've always believed in God & felt His presence near me. That wasn't the issue, the issue seemed to be my desire, my commitment to Him. I've always stressed to people that Christianity isn't a 'religion' but a relationship with God. Well, after 6 years in a growing relationship with The Lord, I hit a low point. I lost my desire to pray, to go to church & read my Bible. I tried to keep up appearances & maintain my 'good Christian wifey duties' but my husband saw straight through my act. I remember him trying to encourage me but somehow this drew me further away. Embarrassment overtook me. As a wife & mentor I knew I had a responsibility to be praying daily & refuelling myself through reading The Bible, but after weeks & weeks of distancing myself from my Faith, praying felt too difficult. 

If I could explain to you the reason I felt such a lacking desire for the things of God, I would. The truth is I think I had just lost touch with God, I was going through the motions of Christianity but not wholeheartedly desiring Him. Before my dry patch, I was praying but it had become somewhat of a chore. I was going to church but mainly out of routine. I was mentoring young girls but the advice I was giving became snappy & came from a place of frustration, not of love as it used to.

Throughout this rainy season John & I still continued to have family worship (a daily time of devotions together) but it mainly consisted of him praying & me looking at the kitchen clock. This went on for about a month or so. You might be thinking, "thats not long, whats the big deal?" But it was a big deal, being distant from God did no good to me at all. I'm naturally a very happy, bubbly person but I became very irritable & withdrawn. I was relying on my own strength of which I had very little. Those closest people to me felt the repercussions of my Godliness the most. Something had to change.

The change I needed came on a Friday when I was doing the weekly housework. I dragged my little Henry the hoover down the hall & into my bedroom. After hoovering the floor something probed me to be extra thorough & hoover under the bed (yes, I know I should do this weekly but I'm naughty & don't). I got down on my knees & shoved Henry's nose under the bed. Something was blocking Henry from doing his job, so I peered into the darkness under the bed to see what was happening. Laying there was my Bible, I reached under the bed & pulled it into the light, wiping off all the dust that had accumulated on top. Tears streamed my eyes as I realised just how long it had been since I had opened the precious book I loved so much.

That was the day I ran back to God, with my dusty Bible & distant heart. He of course, welcomed me back with open arms. 


If we're not careful, all relationships can go stale, but it doesn't tend to happen overnight. I guess its simple. If you take 1 step back from the things of God every day before you know it your heart & life is far from Him.

All of us struggle in our walk at times, but If you're experiencing a dip in the road of your Christian walk right now I really encourage you to PUSH THROUGH! Remember that God's word & commandments are not meant to be burdensome (1 John 5:3) but to help us. God is a God of love not rules, but in loving us He gives us loving rules. 

Below are some tips that I pray help you if you're feeling far from God.

  • P.U.S.H (Pray Until Something Happens)

When we feel distant from God the last thing we want to do is pray but it is the key that will open up the closed door in our hearts. The problem is, when we feel our Faith has gone stale it can be difficult to know just what to pray. So as well as pouring out our hearts to God it's also important to pray & meditate on God's word (scriptures.) This will begin to stir up the passion in our hearts again & bring us comfort. Reading scriptures aloud is so powerful.


People often say a problem shared is a problem halved don't they? If you ask me, I often feel much better after a cuppa tea & a long chat with a trusted friend. BUT In times of despair we often close up from those around us... It's as though we feel ashamed or judged, but the truth is almost every single Christian experiences highs & lows in their walk with God. We need to remember that open honesty with those we can trust is key.

If you are going through a Wintery season I urge you to share your heart with a Christian friend or family member. Have them pray for you & walk with you through the low season. 

It's also a challenge to continue going to church when you feel your Faith has gone stale but the support of our church community is invaluable at this time. As a church we are the body of Christ & when one arm is cut the other should care for it right?


One of the most powerful ways of tackling discouragement is to continue worshipping even when you don't feel like it. Whether you play praise & worship while doing the dishes or attempt to sing in the shower, God will receive Glory from it. There is also something so uplifting about Godly music, it shifts the atmosphere & ministers to our hearts. Remember God deserves our honour & praise regardless of how we are feeling.

When I'm feeling a bit :( I always pop on some Gospel reggae, the lyrics, beat & passion in the music always refocuses my mind back to God. (My fave artists are, Positive, St Matthew & Monty G.)


I wrote & rewrote this segment of the blog so many times lol. Why? Because I couldn't quite put into words how I feel without sounding slightly harsh, but hear my heart. I'm mainly talking to myself ; )

When as Christians we feel distant from God it feels awful, we feel lost in despair right? But, the thing is, our distance from God is a choice. No matter how we came into the stale season in our Faith, we got there. We did it. God never changed, He didn't let us down or take us to the bottom floor in a lift. No, we somehow drifted from Him. His arms are forever open to us, like a loving Father He awaits us, yet we often sit sulking ignoring His outstretched arm. I'm not saying thats what you are doing. I don't know your personal situation but I know mine & I've seen that same 'sulky Sue' in others I know too. Sometimes I think we focus too much on the problems in our life, rather than being grateful for the many blessings God has bestowed on us.

When I think about how many weeks I moped around for, feeling sorry for my situation, I'm kind of embarrassed. Of course we will all have high's & lows in our walk with God but when the lows come lets not milk them & stay sitting in that place of 'poor me'. Lets count our blessings, look to our King & worship our way back to the top floor. 

God has too much in store for us, He died too painful a death for us to be sitting across the table from Him. Lets accept his invitation & pull up a chair next to Him to feast from the bountiful feast He has prepared for us. 

Revelation 3:20
"Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me."

As always, feel free to contact me

Lots of love, 

Sia ♥ xx



My fight with the Green-eyed monster

To my shame, I often had to fight with envy. It's something I've battled growing up & an emotion that up until the last 5 years or so I didn't quite know how to deal with... And yep, it left me pretty insecure.

Envy can be felt at such an early age, we aren't taught to feel it, it just kinda creeps up on us. I was absolutely horrified to read recently of a young girl who allowed her envy to completely captivate her. The article told of two young friends, one was exceptionally beautiful. Her friend struggled with envy towards her. This envy led her to viciously attack her friend pouring acid all over her. The girl suffered horrific burns to her face & neck & is now left with with horrible deep scarring. Many would say she's no longer beautiful. Following the verdict the judge said of the attacker, "She was almost obsessively jealous of the victims good looks". Reading this article absolutely horrified me but then I was reminded that every time we covet (yearn to possess) something another person has it's coming from the same root as the tree from which that awful acid attack stemmed. You see, if we don't deal with that envious root quickly it can grow into something awful.

Understanding envy

I believe envy stems from insecurity & fear. It almost always strikes when we feel in some way threatened by a person, situation or when we feel a sense of entitlement (the "I deserve it more" attitude). People who feel inadequate, overly dependant or insecure tend to be more envious than others. The Green eyed monster, as Shakespeare called it, can completely consume us, if we allow it to. Just look at Cain & Abel, (Genesis 4:1-16) poor Abel was killed by his brother who was completely overtaken by envy. 

Deep routed Envy

None of us are exempt, envy tries to grip us all. But some of us are so used to it's sour taste we no longer notice it. We can go about our day to day lives ignoring the lies it brings. (E.g) "She's got what you should have, you'll never amount to anything without it".

Envy mixed up with lies & bitterness with insecurity poured on top... Doesn't sound very appetising does it? Thats because it comes from The Master of lies, Satan himself. John 10:10 "The theif comes to steal, kill & destroy; I came that they may have life & have it abundantly". You see, Jesus came to break down the strongholds in our lives if we will only allow him to do so.

Dealing with it

Part A (The Fight)

The only way I'm able to deal with envy & rid myself of its nasty side effects, (lets face it it comes with a few; stress, bitterness, anxiety, hate, the list goes on..) is to TREAT IT AS THE SIN IT IS! The Bible tells us we need to kill sin daily (Romans 8:12) & repent from our sins (1 John 1:9). So, in the same way we must hold our hands up & repent from envy. We need to ask The Lord to renew our minds & help us to be content & secure in who we are in Him. My personal battle with The Green Eyed Monster was a lot more complicated than simply repenting & killing my fleshy ways. I had to pray daily for God to change my heart, to help me show love to those I was struggling with envy towards. It took time & a lot of prayer. 

Part B (The Freedom)

Many battles are won when our understanding or paradigm changes. We have to come to terms with understanding that God's will for us is perfect, and what He gives to us is part of a perfect plan. 

I began to realise coveting what other people had was literally a waste of my energy. If God wanted me to have those things, or be in that particular place I would be. Over time I began to find joy & contentment in where I was at in my life & I started to notice a genuine happiness for others who were already where I wanted to be (as appose to the bitter smile & "I'm happy for you" I would have forced out before.) I used their success to motivate me instead of bringing them down in my heart & feeling envious. Of course envy still tries to pop up in my heart & it always will because I'm human but now I just send it back to where it came from & keep it movin' with a grateful heart for how far I've come.

But doesn't the Bible say that God is a jealous God?

Yes God is a jealous God. Exodus 34:14 "Do not worship any other god, for the Lord, whose name is jealous, is a jealous God." I believe this to mean that God is jealous of His own creations & possessions- and since the earth & all that's in it belongs to Him he has reason to be jealous for what is rightfully His. For example if another women flirts with my husband I have reason to be jealous because he is mine- my jealousy is a protective jealousy. If however I see this woman get out of the latest sports car in the most fabulous pair of heels with the sparkliest rock on her finger & I begin to covet her wealth & possessions it is wrong. I have no business being envious of her.  So if & when that feeling does arise pray it away before it takes root!

Walk away from envy 

Don't forget the immense value that God has placed in you. His word says that we are the head & not the tail, above & not beneath. We have been called the sons (daughters) of God! Wow, what an honour! Don't allow the enemy access into your heart through envy. Meditate on God's word concerning your worth, Isaiah 62:3 "You will also be a crown of beauty in the hand of The Lord, and a royal diadem in the hand of your God".

Know your worth in Jesus Christ & allow God to set you free from the bondage of envy, the freedom feels beautiful. 

Lastly let me leave you with one of my fave verses that I think is very fitting with todays blog. Philippians 4:8 "Finally brothers & sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right , whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things"

Grace & Love,  


One feisty Cancer survivor!

My cancer journey...

First of all let me say that cancer is not a death sentence... I am a living testament to that: a survivor an optimist and a believer in my future.

Let me take you on my journey.

I am a 59 year old professional woman with a wonderful family of four children and a husband of 22 years.

My Background:

I am the eldest of a family of four children, brought up in the toughest area of Glasgow in Scotland, this I believe equipped me with the tenacity and grit to take life as it comes and deal with it as best as a young girl could. My parents divorced when I was sixteen years old. It was extremely traumatic to me at the time but as my mother deserted us I became a novice pseudo parent to my two younger siblings and a support to a father who was grieving the loss of his wife.

Years later after my mother returned to us she discovered that she had a lump in her breast. She was thirty eight years old ...she had cancer. I guess that it did not take her or us too much by surprise as we are a family of fourth generation breast cancer on the maternal side.

My mother had radical surgery to remove her breast as the cancer was quite aggressive. Back then, medical advances were limited and I can only say that when she showed me the results of her surgery I was shocked, it was abhorrent. I was scared as it seemed to me that breast cancer would come and find indeed it did. 

My mother died on 13 January 1986, a beautiful woman who taught me valid lessons in life. She was fifty one years of age.

When I was fifty, I decided to go on holiday with my young family to the Greek Islands in October. 

Lying around the pool I felt my right breast and was a little alarmed to discover that I felt a hard lump...thinking this was just hormonal I dismissed it and just enjoyed the rest of the holiday...each day feeling that lump that would not go away. I became worried but did not want to spoil the holiday by referring to it.

As soon as I got home I saw my GP who immediately said to me ‘Ms Brown.....I know cancer when I feel it’...complete insensitivity on her part but a reality wake up call for me!

Within ten days I was referred to a consultant at Kings College Hospital in South London, was admitted and had surgery to remove a 2cm cancerous, stage two grade 3 tumour.

This was followed by six months of hell...chemotherapy and three weeks of daily radiotherapy. I was a guinea pig for hair loss treatment which meant at each chemo session I had a cap infused with ice to supposedly reduce hair loss...didn’t work...lost my hair after first treatment.

This was a very very dark period in my life.

I was known to have thick, luxurious blonde hair ...I remember being with my son in our bathroom when clumps of my hair just fell out and I was distraught..he said to me that I should not worry ..I was beautiful and that it would grow back later..He was too young to understand my distress.

Eventually my husband shaved all my hair off with a number one shaving tool....I cried and cried.

Throughout all of this I held down a teaching post as Head of Special needs in a South London School. After eight months of treatment I went back to work, completely bald but disguised with a custom made wig covered by a bandana. The kids didn’t understand my new look..but they got used to it. They accepted me for whom I was.

A little voice in my head said to me ...perhaps I should find out if there is a genetic link in my family to this cancer. I was referred by my GP to Guys and St Thomas’s Hospital in London for the blood test to determine whether or not I was a carrier of the gene. Low and behold it took less than ten days to determine that indeed I was a BRCA1 carrier....the reality of this was that I had an 85% chance of developing breast cancer in my lifetime and a 65% chance of developing ovarian was a no brainer and I wasn’t shocked because I guess that my family history of the disease was too strong to ignore.

This had major implications for my own daughters and son. One daughter proved free of the genetic curse and my eldest unfortunately was a carrier and has since gone onto have preventative surgery. You cannot imagine the distress and guilt that I felt and still feel for passing this on. 

My consultant at Kings College Hospital reassured me that if I was to consider preventative surgery....Which meant a double mastectomy and removal of my uterus and ovaries then my chances of living another ten years would be favourable. Wow ....putting a time limit on your life is mind blowing, but what could I do. ..I took my chances. I never discussed this with my family even to this day that my life expectation had an age limit...

One thing I will say is that when I was going through the treatment the pain was horrendous...I wanted support and understanding from those around me, friends, colleagues, neighbours....not talking about my family who were my strength, my hope and my world, but acknowledgement from those who found it difficult to be near me or speak to me ...I guess they were enduring and confronting their own fears of this happening to them. I urge anyone who knows of someone going through this to be there, comfort and offer support to means so so much.

At the time of my undergoing treatment.  my self image and esteem was so low and practically nonexistent, I was at an all time low during my treatment, I hated looking in the mirror..I was worried about what my husband felt about me, was I the woman he married, was I attractive to him, 

Would he look at other women who had real breasts? So many questions. I should not have been worried as he constantly reassured me that he loved me for who I was/am and assured me that my breasts did not totally define me as a woman. The drastic measures I underwent to save my life have paid off and I will reach out to any woman contemplating the same to seriously consider your options. 

So now ten years on...I have had radical breast surgery, a double mastectomy with amazing reconstruction a hysterectomy to prevent ovarian cancer (this is intrinsically linked with BRAC1 carriers) and I am as happy as Larry!!

I can now go on holiday and show off my amazing breasts without the confines of a bra to hold them up! Wear little boob tubes without bra straps ...feel energised and alive that I have my life back without fear of my cancer rearing its ugly head again and safe in the knowledge that I have done everything in my power to stave off this beast...I AM A SURVIVOR, have self belief and love myself now. I travel the world; take each day as a blessing and I now know that I will be here for my family for many many years to come.

Christina Brown

One feisty cancer survivor XXXXXX

Feeling lonely

1 Peter 5:7 "Cast your all your cares upon Him, for He cares for you."

Do you ever just feel completely alone? Like nobody understands you or cares & even if they did they're nowhere to be found? 

I've been married for almost 4 years now & for the majority of our marriage J & I have lived abroad or hours away from home. As I sit here writing this he is at work & my next closest loved ones live a Country away... I've gotten used to travelling & living away from my family & friends but I still miss them like crazy.

I'm incredibly happy in my marriage & live a blessed life but I can't help but feel a sense of loneliness from time to time. Not just the feeling of "Oh I wish I could have a Mum hug right now" before remembering she lives too far to just pop over for a cuddle, but a deep yearning in my heart. A feeling deep down of loneliness. 

Last year J & I lived in Toronto, Canada. It was an incredible experience & one that I will never forget. J was away for weeks at a time with football so I had a lot of time to myself. I remember that same feeling that pops up on me now, striking then.. Loneliness. I put it down to being away from my loved ones & the fact that my best friend (my hubby) was away. A year on & now living in Belgium I've finally identified what that lonely feeling is & why I can't cure it by simply being in someones company. 

A couple of months ago J & I went back to our hometown London, we were back in the busyness of life, catching up with friends, meeting new additions to the family just generally catching up on all we miss out on living abroad. Have you ever been in a super crowded place, people waffling away behind you, in front of you, noise everywhere? Well this was exactly the situation I was in- my life went from pretty calm to super fast; holidays, church gatherings, people, parties, dinners ect.. I was completely surrounded by all my favourite people yet that same loneliness crept up on my lil heart again...

I took it to God. I guess my prayer must have gone something like "Lord why am I so blessed & happy yet feeling lonely & empty inside?" I waited in frustration & then God showed me the reason this 'lonely void' had been following me around. I needed God. Special time. Alone time with my creator. Time to pour out my heart & time to be filled up. And that's when I realised, the 'lonely void' feeling always crept up on me when I forgot about God.. No matter the Country I was in or whether I was surrounded by my whole big Greek family or sitting completely by myself in the middle of Brussels I could still feel lonely. As I sit here thinking about it it all makes such simple sense, nobody can fill that void in our hearts not even my darling hubby who I love so much.. only God can. I felt a loneliness in my heart because I missed God, my soul longed for him & I was starving myself of Him. When I was spending time with God the lonely feeling went away. Pretty simple huh?

If you're feeling a sense of loneliness I really encourage you to re-evalute your relationship with The Lord, the chances are you aren't as close to Him right now as you need to be. But you know what the truly amazing thing is? God is there, arms wide open to you 24hours a day 7days a week. He's such a gentleman, He doesn't barge His way into your life banging down doors but He waits patiently for you to welcome Him in. He is the only perfect friend the only one who can cure your loneliness & fill that void. Trying to cure the loneliness with our things or pastimes only creates a bigger barrier between you & God. Give it a go, next time you feel lonely put some soft worship music on & catch up with your Heavenly Father, He never disappoints.

Psalm 121:1-2 "I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from where comes my help. My help comes from The Lord, who made heaven & earth."

Make God your best friend.

Lots of love


"You're my wife, The Lord has told me"

Have you ever had a man drop that line with you? Where they are a million percent certain that God has given them a special look into their future, and there you are making him chicken noodle soup with your 6 kids in the background & his Mother by your side! Umm.. not exactly what you envisioned for your future? Well its tough luck honey, cos when God speaks He speaks & you listen! Right? 

Before I met my darling hubby I had quite a few Christian male friends, you know, the ones you hang out with in a big group after church, or the 'bro's' who are in your Bible study. At this time I was very much waiting & praying for God to bring me my husband & was trusting him with the matter. Well one crisp morning I noticed a large paper package rammed through my letterbox.. A lil strange?  I was in for an unusual surprise when I opened up what turned out to be a "word from God"/kinda marriage proposal/kinda prophecy/kinda lovey essay thing. A good friend of mine (a Godly man) had written me a 5 page letter informing me that I was the woman for him & that God had clearly told him we were to get married. To say I was super shocked was a massive understatement! I remember calling up my close friend in utter confusion. After venting to her I was like, "Lord, him & me? Really? Couldn't you have picked someone taller & funnier & better looking." 

To cut a long story short, this guy was not my husband & I was definitely not his wife.. Just months after sending me that long letter, he in fact married another lady from my church. 

Men (just like us) can & do get it wrong, but when using the "The Lord has told me" bar we have to be doubly careful. You see God is not a God of confusion, He won't have you marry someone who you're not compatible with or who you don't even fancy. All to often we are led by what man says is God but what really is just man's desire. I believe it's wrong to use the name of God so flippantly & if you do genuinely believe God has spoken to you wait to see how He confirms it before you share it. We should never use 'hearing from God' to impose our will upon another person, be patient & prayerful, if that person is who God has planned for you it will come to pass in His right timing. (Ecclesiastes 3:11 He has made everything beautiful in its time.." 

Confusion Bamboosion?!

What if you feel The Lord has told the both of you that you are to be married but you still feel confused? You pray & wait! You should never go ahead in a relationship & most definitely not the sacred union of marriage if you are not at peace & 100% that it is God's will. (Isaiah 55:12) 

It's also super important to get wise counsel from trusted Godly leaders & close loved ones. (Proverbs 11:14) I don't know where J & I would be had we not had hours upon hours of advice & input from our church mentors & Pastors. 

When it comes to marriage we can't afford to make mistakes & marry the wrong person, that can damage not only your life & those around you but can also mean you miss your calling & destiny from God.

So no matter how handsome or Godly & attractive the man, don't listen to his voice when he tells you he's your husband. Listen carefully to the sweet voice of God who is always right!

Peace & Love