Last November I was given the amazing opportunity of sharing my testimony in front of a large group of amazing young women (Girltalk 2014). I wrote down notes, practised what I wanted to say & prayed a lot in the lead up to my talk. When the time came, I forgot about my notes & went off on a natural tangent pouring out my heart to the girls. I spoke about my difficult upbringing, rebellious teenage years & about a lot of other painful memories. At the time I spoke openly, my voice didn't crack & I shed no tears but what followed the days after surprised me.
I guess speaking about my past brought up a lot of memories. I began to notice myself feeling ashamed of myself & the past sins & foolish choices I had made all those years ago. I started to pull a blanket of shame around myself.
Unfortunately, I don't think I'm the only person who's walked around with the 'shame blanket.'
Picture yourself in a car. Oh how easy is it to look in the rearview mirror at the past, reliving the things you went through. I guess the danger in staring at the rearview mirror is that we usually lose focus & drive off course. When you constantly live in the past you become defined by the past. If you have given your life to Jesus you have given Him the keys to your car & He by His power has driven you from your past & into your future.
So, was it a bad idea me sharing my past with the girls? Absolutely not. We all have testimonies (how we came to know God & where He bought us from.) The Bible tells us that "We overcome by blood of the lamb & the word of our testimony. Revelation 12:11." If speaking about our pasts can help others or encourage them in their walk I think we should share what we've been through, yes even if it painful sometimes. But other than for the benefit of others I don't personally think gazing back at our pasts is a good idea. Dwelling on our pasts & the "Coulda, Woulda's" can really steal our joy in God.
I went wrong when I took on the weight of my past sins all over again, God had forgiven me but I went back in my mind burdening myself with guilt the guilt of my poor past choices.
It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.
The enemy wants us to feel embarrassment & shame. Living in our pasts, even if that living is in our minds, brings bondage which is the opposite to the freedom Jesus offers us.
Our past is something that we shouldn't be afraid of, not that we should dwell in it but whenever it does come up we need to look back knowing that we are now free. We don't have to feel ashamed of who we are now, our Heavenly Father loves us with the same infinite love He loves Jesus with & His blood cleanses us from all unrighteousness. We need to look back knowing we have victory now, so our previous losses hold no weight next to the victory we now have in Jesus!
Don't forget that when we were sinners WE were the ones who made ourselves dirty but now we are in Christ HE is the one who has made us clean & righteous.
2 Corinthians 5:17
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.
Lets look with freedom at the future God has given us. We need to remember that once we've repented of our sins we are forgiven! There's no need to stay wrapped in a blanket of shame but instead we should dance in the freedom God has blessed us with.
All my love,
Sia ♡ x