My struggle to dress 'like a Christian'

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I wish I was writing this in third person, or even as a kind of "I once struggled with, many years ago" type of blog but I'm not. I'm struggling with this right now, Today. Friday 11th November at 3:00. 

As a Christian woman I know what pleases God through the way I dress, I know what honours my husband & myself yet over the past 6months or so I've found myself growing increasingly fed up with modesty & all it's layering! Before I became a Christian I guess you could say I enjoyed keeping up with fashion trends & wearing whatever I felt good in. I enjoyed the attention I got in immodest clothes & I think to a certain degree I thrived off of that attention. Once I became a Christian I learnt to honour my body & Creator & to wear clothes that didn't show what's not meant to be on show. I thought I was fine & then I married a man of God.

In the early days of marriage, the way I dressed was often an issue. Many times resulting in arguments which were usually before church. I can recall this one Sunday morning, John & I had been married a few months. I enjoyed dressing up for church & this Sunday I planned to wear my new ultra fitted, pencil dress. John tried to lovingly tell me he didn't think it was appropriate & asked me if I would mind putting a long cardie over it or changing. This immediately got my back up & I remember listing my rehearsed reasons why it was perfectly fine & how over the top I thought he was being. I told him it wasn't low cut & that it was at least over the knee. I was frustrated because I felt I should be free to wear whatever was cute & fashionable as long as I didn't have any cleavage on show. I remember comparing myself to other Christian's & using their immodesty to justify my own. John spent a lot of months lovingly praying for my heart to understand the true meaning of modesty & virtue. He also helped me understand how important it is not to cause others to fall into lust because of the way I dress. (Matthew 5:28) Over time my heart & dress dramatically changed.

 Fast forward 5years. I thought I was over that struggle but bam it's back & biting me in the bum.  I know there's a few factors that are adding to this; my figure has slimmed down a lot since giving birth, which I'm very happy about. There's also a constant flow of super gorgeous women with perfect figures everywhere I look, social media creates or should I say 'can' create a real sense of insecurity & comparison for us. Those things have most definitely played a part in my struggle with modesty but I know the biggest factor is my relationship with God. Of late it's not been where it should be & I suppose that effects every area of my life. Yes modesty is an outward expression but I believe it starts in our hearts. If I truly desire to honour God through the way I dress that desire will begin in my heart, from that desire will flow obedience.

I know that the closer I am to God the easier it is for me to happily dress modestly & the more connected I am to 'the world' the more frustrated I become with modesty. I can literally notice the difference from one day to the next. Want a little example? Instagram. I have to be so careful not to get the 'comparison bug' when I go on it, because if I'm not careful I can get into a little spider web of comparing myself, my figure, my clothes etc to others. I've noticed that I find myself in this little spider web when I'm not walking as close to God. When I'm stronger in Him (God) I'm far more heavenly minded. Keeping up with trends & fretting over not being able to wear bandage dresses or crop tops, just isn't on my radar. So, after writing down my thoughts to you guys I suppose I've just reminded myself that the best way to deal with 'my recent struggle with modesty' is to renew my mind, get closer to God, realise how petty a problem this is & ask God to change my heart in this area because after all, modesty is a heart issue.

Lastly I just want to remind us as women to lovingly encourage, support & pray for each other in this area. So often I've been the one to sit on my high horse judging other Christian's on the things they wear & here I am now being the one struggling in this area. Lets try to be loving & pray for each other if we see an issue rather than judging.

Lets not forget that if we let our confidence come from how we look or what we wear, we will never be secure. Our confidence needs to come from who we are in The Lord. 

All my love, 

Sia x